


Where Goodness Used To Be

by ivanolix



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Canon - TV, Canon Compliant, Character Development, Character Study, Female Anti-Hero, Gen, POV Female Character, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-26
Updated: 2010-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivanolix/pseuds/ivanolix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt "hole in the world"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Goodness Used To Be

There's a hole in the world where goodness used to be. It beats like the opposite of a heart, just out of the corner of the eye. In a Mord'Sith temple, there's always another sister of the agiel to fill that corner with a beckoning smirk on her face, hands ready to make pleasurable war. When Cara leaves, though, the beat is distracting, even while she knows it's not real. It's a sense, that's all. A useless one at that. Goodness is foolish, everyone knows that.

But when she's cast aside, goodness is the only thing foolish enough to take her in. Richard is an idiot, Zedd is worse, and Kahlan is almost as bad. When she has her hand wrapped around Cara's throat, justice in her eyes, Cara should be proud of the way that Kahlan ignores the throbbing beat of the wound to the world. But she doesn't. And then Kahlan doesn't ignore. They both do something foolish, and a tiny portion of the hole is filled with goodness. Cara can't think of anything more pathetic, but the hole gets more distracting anyway.

Love is the most annoying piece of goodness, so it figures that it plagues Cara first. It doesn't matter what kind. First she loves Richard for going through life with his arms spread wide, heart open as if he could give it all up to fill the hole in the world chock full of love. As if that was even possible. Cara loves him a little anyways, and glares distractingly as if she doesn't notice another tiny portion of the hole filling up.

Then she loves Kahlan, for being more cautious and more successful, doing what's right and therefore making a bigger impact than if she just focused on love. Cara pretends she doesn't feel awe, and focuses on the irritating rankling feeling instead. Until she figures out that what rankles is that she wants to be that successful, and yet her good deeds keep falling short because she hasn’t had enough practice. She hates failure, and hates that she considers that failure. But she can't hate Kahlan.

A little here, a little there, and finally Cara throws up her hands and realizes that they've made her foolish enough to care. The hole in the world where goodness used to be isn't distracting, it's depressing. No matter how much good is done, it will never be full, and world will always be a damaged place. But somehow, somehow, goodness feels...good. They rescue a child caught by snakevine and Cara sleeps well. She and Kahlan save a village from banelings and Cara smiles over her ale in the tavern. She is ready to end her life to save Thaddicus and instead of feeling good it feels right, and that's more successful than anything she's managed so far. Baby night wisps crowd around her head and sing the glories of goodness when she saves their lives, and she doesn't think, she just feels, and only notices later that the hole in the world seems a little smaller.

The hole isn't real, of course. It's just a sense of how the world works and how it doesn't, what's missing and what's not. Cara knows that. But it means something, and she can't stop caring, and some days she wonders if she really considers herself foolish for it. Of course she should but...oh, why does she even think about it. She does good as if someday the hole will be fixed. And that's what matters.


End file.
